I do love a good epiphany…

Three cheers for epiphanies and self discovery!! (AKA – talking to yourself! )

Many of you who know me know that I go through a “thing” this time of year.  A lot of you who don’t know me probably know this as well, as I keep bringing it up, stumbling over it in an attempt to wrap my head around it and move forward!  It is the post-Halloween funk that creeps in every year.  BUT I just had an epiphany.  The kind that as soon as you think it, realize that it is true because of the pure simplicity of it.  Finally, I can navigate through the turmoil because I have identified it!  I have been seeing things all wrong.  I have always thought that my struggle this time of year is because I go from being SO SUPER BUSY to having nothing to do…I stumble over my ideas, my creativity, don’t know where to start or how to get anything done.  I always thought this was because after a long period of hard work, I am free to chill but just can’t figure out how to relax, BUT THAT’S BACKWARDS!!  I was talking to myself (of course), considering sending a message to a very dear friend who does a lot of energy healing and in my mind, I was trying to figure out what I would ask her if I could…If I was willing to call her up and say “Hey lady!  Help me out here!” what exactly would I be asking for help for?  Then I heard it clear as a bell in my mind.  How to focus my energy… You see, it isn’t that I am suffering from a lack of this or that, but it is actually too much to handle all at once!  I go from having my days laid out very simply, like a train on the tracks, one order after another, from start to finish every day.  There isn’t a lot of wiggle room, so I adapt and get used to not having to think about any of it.  I make my to-do list, and just get to work shipping them out as soon as I am able.  When it is over, I am left not with too much time on my hands, aimless and drifting with no direction, but am actually suffering from an overload of choices!  It’s like being on a diet of greens and nuts, then going to a rich, succulent Indian buffet!   It’s everything you’ve been missing and it hits you all at once that you could eat it all!! But wait, you can’t….You have to pick and choose, and in a way, it is almost like you have forgotten how to exercise that muscle of choice.  How to go carefully and thoughtfully forward in a present state of mind, without a road map to guide you.  I always stumble this time of year, so now that I know why, I have a plan.  If my “choice” muscle is out of practice, I need to start small, with simple choices every day, and build up to the bigger ones.  I have 20 minutes before the kids get home from school, how do I want to spend it?  Do I want to photograph some new items for the shop, or start stitching this new quilt I’ve had on hold forever, or just meditate on my new discovery?  I know one thing is for sure:  I love having choices and I plan to take full advantage of it while I can so that when the path is laid out and simple again, I can appreciate a break this more complicated matrix of creating and building things from scratch!  I love a good epiphany. <3

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